The One with my One Year Anniversary in New York City

I have made it to my one year anniversary in New York City! Cue all the exclamation points!!!!

In the last twelve months, I helped Gary Vaynerchuk move into his new office on Park Avenue, moved apartments in my ?I get around t-shirt,? ?shook hands with the President (not wearing a t-shirt with a one-liner), participated in the launch of a brand new company, had lunch next to Hermoine Granger, worked with the homeless, snuck into a restricted area of an art museum, buried my childhood pets, gotten stuck in an elevator, and I?ve become obsessed with competing with myself via self-improvement. Self-improvement is an addiction. New Yorkers will buy anything if it promises six pack abs or techniques for startup domination. Bonus points: if you track our progress via a Nike Fuel or my bathroom scale that sends graphs to my computer. ?A true New Yorker never passes up the chance to get a graph about their life sent to them in an e-mail. We?re obsessed with data. ?Give us some fake FourSquare points that don't even mean anything and we're in.

Today, when I tried to join the library in my neighborhood it turned out to be $200 for the year. I should have seen this coming. It?s in a mansion and has the word ?society? in the title. Most of the time the Upper East Side does not deserve its reputation until someone looks at you like only the lowly attend the free library. I have seen toddlers demand espresso and it?s ALL?SO WEIRD. Didn't everybody have my Father?

There?s something about creating a phony aroma of prestige that hypnotizes people into handing over their credit card. If you call it fancy this town will pay for it as demonstrated by the $18 martini. ?The vodka is all the same, people! This is now a hormonal change I can identify?when I?m about to be robbed so I can feel literary, fit, a sugar rush, stylish, or like a together New Yorker. How to be a better New Yorker is an entire market. You'll know what to do when you've read everything by Edith?Wharton but first please buy everything she's ever written.?I own every guide, program, or DVD that promises 30 days to heaven landing and humans defying gravity. I'm not cynical because I fall in love each and every time.

I have been to all the hot yoga classes to feel like a New York City lady with swagger to find out that swagger comes from the inside. New Yorkers will also buy anything yoga related because Zen isn?t just a business. It?s THE business. Brand name yoga pants are $80. Normal yoga pants that have no high-tech features?$20. A waterfall in your gym won't make you skinny but?it's pretty to look at?just like the hot guy who signs you up.?I switched gyms solely based upon all the yoga crazies at 8am are just too all the things. I am going to make my billions in something techy that assigns you points for being the most zen.

Source: http://www.saraballen.com/2012/07/the-one-with-my-one-year-anniversary-in.html

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